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January 29 Astoria! Astoria! The unauthorized versionA friend of mine keeps threatening to write a screenplay called Astoria! Astoria! which will chronicle the random happenings that could truly not occur anywhere but here. Since my friend is slow on the uptake, I am compelled to add this entry:
Date: 21 January 2006, Sunday
Time: 2:45 p.m.ish
Location: Upscale boutique (well, as upscale as it gets in A-town), Commercial St., Downtown Historical District
The action unfolds over the course of 15 minutes. The protagonists are browsing wares they have no intention of buying, but enjoy looking at nonetheless. This constitutes alone time between Father (Mouth Sr.) and Daughter (Ms. Mouth), which serves to keep their focus on the arts (a topic they can both agree upon) and off of politics and religion (need I say more?).
Enter Mouth Sr. (MS) and Ms. Mouth (MM).
Shopkeeper (SK): And where are you two from.
MM: I'm from here. This is my dad. He's visiting for a few days, on leave from Iraq.
SK: Oh, really. Well you [MS] sure look Arab.
MS: (a sound akin to a suppressed guffaw)
MM: Um, he's Mexican, ethnically speaking.
SK: Well he could've fooled me.
Mmmkay. MS and MM decide to leave conversation and browse handwoven Persian rugs, one of which would cost MM's entire monthly salary, which is not a pittance by Astoria standards.
Enter Shopkeeper's Husband (SH) and family dog. (While I believe there was a family child also present, I can't be sure (the reason for which should become readily apparent)).
SH: Hello honey.
SK: (To family dog in an unbelievably painful staccato) Where's momma's wittle baby. Come 'ere you sweet wittle wover. Yes, that's momma's wittle wubbie boy. Etc. etc. ad infinitum.
MM: (to father) Sweet Jesus. At least I'm not that bad with the dogs.
MS: I'd appreciate it if you didn't take the Lord's name in vain when we're together.
MM: Um, sorry pop. But seriously.
MS: It is pretty bad.
MS and MM move to exit. SK stops MM and MS on the way out the door.
SK: (Loudly, so that all of neighboring businesses can hear) Goodbye Arab-looking guy!
SK beams at MS and MM while family dog aggressively licks her face. SH stares sheepishly, because what the hell else can he do. MS and MM exuent, after being stunned out of snappy comebacks (a forte of both).
Fade to black.
Finis. Comments (1)
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